dealing with disrespect

 https://medium.com/practical-growth/dealing-with-disrespect-e1630c320ae8

The types of disrespect.

There are a number of surprising ways in which someone can disrespect us. From snide comments, to all-out assaults on our person and character. These are the most undermining types of disrespect you need to be on the look-out for.

Refusing to listen: When someone refuses to listen to your ideas or what you have to say — they’re refusing to give you the respect you deserve as a human being with your own thoughts, emotions and desires. We all deserve space to express ourselves.

Talking at you: Talking at someone, rather than listening to them or giving them a chance to speak is a sign of disrespect. One-ended conversations are little more than a dismissal of the other person, and the value of their ideas and opinions.

Laughing and ridiculing: People who laugh at you or ridicule you are toxic, and doing their best to undermine your sense of self-worth and wellbeing. We each deserve to be treated compassionately, but this sort of behavior is little more than a control tactic, used to keep people subservient to those bearing greater insecurities than their own.

Talking behind your back: Those who share information about you behind your back, or those who spread lies and mis-information behind your back are not friends. They are malicious people who are attempting to isolate you and destroy your sense of happiness and relationships.

Lying & ignoring boundaries: One of the most common forms of disrespect is lying and the invasion on boundaries. Our boundaries are the foundation of our happy relationships, but those who refuse to adhere to them are disrespecting you, your desires and even your most basic needs. Likewise, lies are evidence that the person you’re dealing with has no respect for you as a person.

How to manage a disrespectful person.

Managing disrespectful people is a delicate process that takes time and understanding to master. Those who seek to anger us or hurt us can really get under our skin and make it hard to stay cool, but that’s critical to walking away with wellbeing and dignity in hand. If you’ve been disrespected by someone close to you, use these techniques to manage their disrespect the right way.

1. Live a life above reproach

The first thing anyone has to learn about respect is that it must be earned. One way we earn the respect of others is by living a life that is above reproach. By making ourselves an example of stability and exceptionalism, we can actually create a barrier that protects us from the criticisms of others.

Living a life “above reproach” doesn’t mean you have to conform to some mainstream idea of perfection and uptightness. It simply means you have to live your life with integrity and do what you say you will when you say you will.

Before you can demand the respect of others, you have to demonstrate that you’re worth it yourself; something that can be done by starting off with internal and external honesty. Be a person of your word, and strive to do what’s best for you (and others) at all times. Once you respect yourself by living with integrity, you’ll gain the respect of others.

2. Practice equinamity

Rude and disrespectful people are everywhere, and sometimes there’s little you can do to resolve your issues with them. When that’s the case, the best thing to do is to pull yourself away, taking the time and space you need to gain control of yourself, and ask a few key questions that can point you in the right direction.

Take to ten, and take a few deep breaths. Ask yourself: “Is this worth getting upset about? Will my anger change my mind? Will it change theirs? Often, when we give ourselves a few minutes of peace and quiet, we see that the disrespect (more often than not) has everything to do with the other person and little to do with us.

People upset one another. It’s a natural part of life. Learn how to keep your cool and maintain your own personal respect by practicing equanamity and trying to consider things with the benefit of space. Things always look different when we give ourselves the change to count to 10 and quiet our minds.

3. Be kind and ask questions

More than anything else, people want to feel heard — and this includes someone who is being disrespectful. Disrespect comes from a place of upset, either with ourselves or the circumstances around us, so one of the best ways we can deal with disrespect is by listening conscientiously, asking questions and making sure we understand the other person’s grievances.

Let them know that you’re interested in what they’re saying, even if you feel it’s unfair or unjust. Everyone deserves the dignity of being listened to, so let them have their say, and then respond slowly with your own questions.

Ask rather than tell, and refrain from dropping blame bombs or making demands. Disrespecting someone isn’t easy, so if you’re dealing with someone who seems to have a sharp tongue when it comes to you — tread carefully. Just listening is often the first step to finding a resolution you both can be happy with.

4. Take the initiative

When we’re confronted with someone who doesn’t like us, we often want to run and hide. This is not the way, however, to resolve the issues that are brewing between you and the person doing the disrespecting. If you want to get to the root of the reason for someone’s disrespect, you have to take the initiative to meet them halfway.

Stack up your courage and meet them head-on, asking for a meeting or a safe space where the two of you can talk things out and figure out what’s going on. Speak frankly, but avoid blaming language and phrases that put you above the conversation. When two people have a problem, the fault lies with both parties. Ask questions and listen to what the other person is saying and they’ll let you know where things went wrong for them.

By investing time in cultivating a new relationship with the person disrespecting you, you can often find more common ground than you previously thought. Our relationships dissolve when distrust and dislike set in — consequences of misunderstandings never addressed. Start talking and take the initiative to open up a dialogue you both can utilize.

5. Practice empathy

A disrespectful person isn’t always acting that way because of something you did wrong. Sometimes, we lash out at others simply because we’re having a bad day or going through other hardships in our lives.