Friday, September 30, 2022
Tuesday, September 27, 2022
Other women / other people do this..... regarding most things
today i mentioned holidays coming up halloween and christmas and he said other women put up decorations for those days and you dont
why don't I do it, i asked him
because
30 and 31 years ago he cut down 2 tress for xmas and says it wasn't worth the effort, xmas is for kids, its a bad time of year he has to put out alot of money for taxes house car and other people get him worthless gifts not worth a damn like a shirt
OTHER WOMEN PUT UP DECORATIONS AND I DON'T DO IT BECAUSE OF HIM
GRINCH SHITTING ON ANY TYPE OF CELEBRATION FOR PRACTICALLY ANTHING
Hyper aware of external things> Desires to control it all
Hyper aware of environment, external outside people, things, animals, anything
wants to control people, others, animals, things, material objects
manhandle stuff
Thursday, September 22, 2022
Equates having material things with self worth and importance
must have or try to get best of everything in items
yet is miserable as hell and rarely satisfied happy or joyful
Gets something for me or does a thing for me then throws it in my face
"after all I've done for you"
i do everything around here
you don't appreciate anything
you're an ingrate / ungrateful
there are takers and givers, i am a giver
i work / worked my ass off
you have it easy
Public image is top priority. Personal image to close family is not
says most horrible rotten insulting things to me about me and about any other person whether it is a stranger neighbor family member or friend/associate/acquaintance
says mean things to me but not in public
worried about what the neighbors think about anything and everything first and foremost
My ass is the main focus/focal point majority of the time
turn around let me look at you (your ass butt backside)
makes sure,certain that there is no view of any skin on my butt buttocks ass before I exit the house door so that no one else will see this part of my body
(MLS)
===================================================================
punches me with fist on butt says must be jam jelly doesn't shake like that then laughs (gpa)
Will not confront another male/man in my defense
instead will confront me
yell threaten double up fist
say we will part, separate, get divorced
Tuesday, September 20, 2022
Denied me medical treat from 2006 to 2016
Due to keeping his money in account s afraid of cost
All about the money
UNCOOPERATIVE, inflexible, dislikes changes of most anything. SIMPLE
bank: refuses to look into another even after incident in january 2022 when someone made phony fraudulent check of his account and he had to close out his account. He went to community america, closed out account and opened a new one at same bank, not cosidering any other
credit card: has ONE refuses to look into any other even after card stolen in january 2022
residence: refuses idea of moving to a different house/home,location
doctor preferences; doesn't want to see phyisican but will see a dentist and wants to go to dental college and pay them for it even though we have medicaid dental
food, drinks: ingests same stuff for many years, perhaps 50 years and reluctant to listen to any diet modifications. He MUST make own decision regarding any food or drink added to or taken away from him. Will not listen to any input from me or any other source regarding health nutrition and food and drink.
restuaurants: same old ones for years and years.
cars, trucks, automobiles: must continue with same vehicle(s).
Friday, September 16, 2022
Thursday, September 15, 2022
Wednesday, September 14, 2022
Keeps the doors shut.
MLS Don't let the heat in or open the windows or doors at all when it's too cold
whereas I will open the front and back doors for a few minutes when it is very very cold 20 degrees or below zero to let fresh air in the house. Have ot do it when he is gone.
JWL don't let the cat(s) outside
Monday, September 12, 2022
Says does whatever he she wants and restricts, limits, blocks me or others: Hypocritical
says shut the fuck up
i dont want to hear it
youre crazy
you cant do that
i don't know anyone else who does that
you think you know it all
you are stupid
puts headphones or ear phones on says I CAN'T HEAR YOU
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY
I dont care
don't give a fuck ... what you want, need, or how you feel about it or anything else
you are going to do what I say without question
pushes forces shoves knocks down
hits punches
yells screams uses name calling
mocks imitates simulates punishes
Wants to know plans, what is going on, heads up so they can screw it up
hinder, block, stop
attack, threaten
humiliate, criticize, strip, torture, take away, limit, prevent, control, dominate, whip, tie up
talks about tying up any person or animals that may or is doing something he or she doesn't like approve of
My patience has about reached its end, around 99.9% of dealing with certain kinds
impatient absolutist dictator authoritarian
black and white thinkers
shove people into a box after melting them down putting them into a blender so they have no unique identity until they don't know who or what they are
lack appreciation, respect
hypocrite (I can do it but you can't because its wrong and you are not in the position I am in to do whatever the hell I want to do: scream, yell, cuss, lie, cheat, steal, abuse, abandon, dictate, force, push, assume, )
shame inducers, blamers, guilt inflicting people
fake, phony, false
puts on status image in public, terrorizes at home then pretends feigns innocence
Anybody everybody nobody and or somebody is screwed up thinking
I hear these words frequently from a person and people who are confused anxiety fearful paranoid crazy nuts unsure uncertain
Chicken shit
Cowards cowardly
Mixed up
Screwy
Screwed
Don't know what to do
Think in terms of should
anonymous people without names or identity includes anybody anyone any man any woman, everybody, everyone, someone, somebody.... nameless faceless meaningless OBJECTS like puppets dolls stepword wives or husbands
This type of thinking is insane.
I was told that I don't exist by another person (a female woman sister in law when I first met her in 1991, Dorothy was her name) who grew up in household using these same words that attempt to include every single person or no person in a group, activity, thought process or any other method of a life form.
Scared to fucking death to stand out. To be different. Suffer humiliation.
suffer any kind of humiliation, ridicule or scorn.
Sunday, September 11, 2022
Absolutist
ab·so·lut·ism (ăb′sÉ™-lo͞o′tÄz′É™m)
n.
1.
a. A political theory holding that all power should be vested in one ruler or other authority.
b. A form of government in which all power is vested in a single ruler or other authority.
2. An absolute doctrine, principle, or standard.
ab′so·lut′ist n.
ab′so·lu·tis′tic (-lo͞o-tÄs′tÄk) adj.
| Noun | 1. |  absolutist - one who advocates absolutism |
| Adj. | 1. | absolutist - pertaining to the principle of totalitarianism |
Most comfortable working on physical objects
mls excellent at working on mechanical electronic cement wood, fixing objects
jerry (dead) was mechanic
john (dead )was electrical mechanical engineer worked at airports
Medication, meds will not change core personaility
mls,
Bill, william
Larry dead, took meds, in Rockhill Manor over 20 years schizophrenic
John Lee dead, not sure if on meds, one of the schizo sibs
Jerry dead, took meds, got worse regardless of meds, diet, alcohol ingestion or not and in and out of psych wards in CA and MO, one of the worst schizos, convinced me there is no help with this mental disorder
Karen dead, schizo, tooks meds, never got better, got worse, one of the worst
severe cases of this
Marjorie Mae Rutherford Stillwell, total paranoid schizophrenic
Norman Rutherford, Marjorie's brother, paranoid schizo, never married
accuses
threatens
false allegations of others spying on them, theft, thinks people are following them when driving,
eating out at a restaurant always involves him (mls) viewing other people making judgments on them thinking they are looking at him/us feeling uncomfortable, wanting to leave if sees one person he doesn't like the looks of
shopping at walmart or any store involves him thinking that employess think he/I am stealing something
first question about anything "How much did that cost?:
believes people are out to get something things money whatever from you
they're tyring to sell you something...
they want your money
they people don't like you for you at all, they want something from you
believes no compliment is genuine, it is said just to be nice, polite
no holiday celebrations (mls, mother marjorie, norman, )
won't go to movie says is favorite even when my son would pay for it
can't enjoy self most of the time; rarely seems to act happy or smiles about much of anything
miserable, miserly, anxious, awkward, uncomfortable, hateful, accusatory
Friday, September 9, 2022
Obsessed with world politics and admits obsession MLS
daily watches these for hours on end on laptop, cell phone uses ear buds and headphones in the house and while outside in the yard at the residence/home
frankspeech.com
x22 report
Conversations are circular, go nowhere, you/I feel like I am or am going crazy, your head is spinning
problems are not resolved
simple issues are ongoing frustrations
minor things and accidents blown out of proportion into major disasters
Thursday, September 8, 2022
CONTROL FREAK
https://www.bonobology.com/signs-control-freak/
https://www.inc.com/larry-kim/how-to-outsmart-a-control-freak.html
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201705/7-signs-control-freak
https://www.yourtango.com/2017306699/17-signs-hes-control-freak-hes-low-key-about-it
https://writingexplained.org/idiom-dictionary/control-freak
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Control_freak
You don't know what you're doing. Said frequently to me.
you don't know what you are doing
you don't have any business doing that, being there, wearing that, going there
you don't
you shouldn't think that feel that
want that
be that
look like that
feel that way
We don't have room for a peach tree
words out of his mouth yesterday
YET there is room for an oak tree he planted in the middle of the front yard
and room anywhere on this property for any thing he wants and deems necessary for himsself and own needs and desires
Tuesday, September 6, 2022
Any apology is fake
the i'm sorry's is not real because they
continue to do the same evil things over and over
Does NOT like horror movies
knows that the monster is about control
understands story line, what is coming next, predicts the outcome of what the evil one is going to do next and how they think
knows it well because that is how he/she is, a control freak who enjoys terrorizing little princesses
I don't like roller coasters of shit dumped onto me from the hell in the mind of the narc
who remind me of just how horrible people are and how bad the world is and
how i need to be careful and watch out for them, strangers, when in fact the real monster lies inside them right at home
This morning he gets up as Dr Jekyll. Yesterday was Mr Hyde to the max 9-6-2022
he leaves in the pickup truck this morning
he only takes truck under certain circumstances 1: weather has to be nice with no precipitation, 2: hauling somemthing 3: picking something up large 4: (Possibly) to show off truck ?
says is using oreillys rewards on some kind of tool
saw him cleaning off some wheel outside before he left
handed me renewed card for aaa auto this morning says it cost 122 a year
combed his hair coming out of bathroom
what is going on? what is he really doing where is headed to
yesterday was horrid horrible ogre rotten mean hateful telling me tired of me to take my stuff and go somewhere else, just leave, i cause too much commotion (I was sweeping the patio out back, that is all, claiming i hit the propane tank on the grill
he is listening to world horror news headphones/ear phones on. said why should i go with you i end up having to pay for it
Same old story Same character types over and over.
Scrooge
The Grinch
Miser
Sweet ones/people/usually females, women, tortured relentlessly by the scrooges/grinch types who remind the nice ones of the horrors of life and revel in watching the fear in their eyes and enjoy making them cry ...attempt to invoke the same feelings of fear, abandonment, misery in other that they feel inside themselves and cannot admit. An attempt at negative energy transfer
Cinderella
Princess sleeping beauty
Pollyanna polly anna sweet nice sees all good and pleasant
attempts to transfer positive energy, seeing the light and good of all people, animals, things
Sunday, September 4, 2022
Reluctant, obstinate, stubborn, stuck, fixed, immovable, hardheaded
is these things and accuses me of being that way
Inflexible with most things
activities, habits
food,
physical hobbies
patterns of behavior
belief systems
opinions
places visited
routines
thought processes are pretty much fixed
supposed to be ... people and things are categorized into boxes of what he/she believes they should be, do, are, am
Likes prefers material objects because it is something he/she can control
a wise young lady told me this many years ago ...Muriel
once when I was walking not far from home
i mentioned the mechanical abilities, handling of inanimate objects and apparent expertise at doing these things
Gets quiet. Appears calm nice controlled when beauty pretty female is around
noticed this trait goes way back over 30 years ago
if female is stranger, neighbor, in public a person not personally known like me then the sheep look the innocent sheepish act is present
in my presence the devil comes out
why?
Thursday, September 1, 2022
Narc fights. The never ending feud battles of forcing oneself upon others.
Narc fights. The never ending feud battles of forcing oneself upon others.
One will beat you up and wear you out with stupid. Stupidity beats up intelligence and
wears out the other who participates in endless battles going nowhere.
1. Constantly asking the same questions over and over. daily, weekly, monthly...for years on end.
Not listening to the answers. Keep asking.
2. pretending like you or i dont understand to keep the shit going
3. feigning ignorance
4. "I don't understand" (I can't understand" (common sense things) are frequent statements
and demand an explanation which, of course, the recipient answers and the person keeps saying I can't/don't understand after the other explains in full detail why, who, what, where, when, how... all q's are answered and the narc feigns stupidity
5. Picks, prods, pokes, agitates, aggravates, demands yes or no answers to optional preferences which are individual choices THEN becoming irate if the person says yes or no in a decision that disagrees with what they poking prodding narc asks
6. Statements are ALL or NOTHING so one has no real choice to even think ..forced to believe that one (me, you or I) don't have a choice in the matter. The OTHER option of
NOT deciding yes or no is not allowed. Violence ensues "Goddmamit, you HAVE to be on this side or that one, you can't be in the middle and NOT choose one or the other!!!"
7. Keep saying fixed things which are opinions and saying that your opinion is a fact
no arguing with a fool
fools foolish argument is never ending
endless circular going nowhere no resolution no problem is solved. problems continue on and fighting is continual
push one and get resistance bucking fighting arguing yelling
One has to realize a thing on their own. We you I learn by ourselves.
We dont need to be pushed, forced and assisted by another.