Wednesday, June 29, 2022

He likes to watch : videos and pictures of things he wants and lusts for

 MLS spent money on and views anything for free when he thinks he wont be caught

JWL (spent tons of money of about everything imaginable)

ECM  EX (spent tons of money on porn mags videos, etc)


Friday, June 24, 2022

I am disposable like a tissue, kleenex or toilet paper

 to 

MLS

Talks to a person only when wants something out of them

 MLS

Whines to me: You've got too much stuff: You don't NEED that !!!!

 MLS

Whines

ZERO interest in my health, education and welfare OR my interests, hobbies, mind, thoughts, feelings: MONEY is top priority

 MLS

this goes way back over 30 years ago

did not want me to go to doctor because of MONEY 

I went to clinic samual rogers to get help with bad infection yeast and unexplained

bleeding from my uterus/ovaries, female organs


Gets rid of, takes, moves my stuff around without my knowledge. IF I did this to his stuff he'd have atom bomb fit temper tantrum RAGE

Gets rid of, takes, moves my stuff around without my knowledge.

I find out later on after he has done it

disposed of ashes of dead relative of mine .. my aunt.. he didn't tell me he was going to do it

i discovered the box missing then asked about it.. he disposed of it somewhere i dont know where


battery back ups i bought brand new at best buy, at least 2 of them gone i dont know where

currently there are missing power supplies for items of mine: ONE< a laptop computer

another item is for a hard drive back up

removed brand new cds out of cases, threw the cds away , kept the cases of my sons professionally made compact discs...did this behind my back i found out later 


MLS

Thursday, June 23, 2022

Dungeon is home

 dwelling

cave

dungeon


Sympathy for my grandma : the perpetually angry narcissist who wanted the best for her and her family

 The last day grandma showed up at my house, unexpectedly, she was angry--again, as usual.

She parked her car in the driveway of my house. We stood in the drive and talked a few minutes.

She wouldn't come in, (as usual)

My feelings turned to sympathy for her instead of the 

heart racing fear and anxiety I'd always felt before for all those years of my life

when she flew into a rage over something, anything be it real, imaginary, current or

past issue being the source of her madness.



Spirit killer Dragon Reptile

 spirit killer

dragon 

dragon definition

reptile

reptilian


Wednesday, June 22, 2022

 that's your life 

you don't have a wife

you don't have a life


(politics in the news you listen to/watch

MLS)

 wants it is i am throwing it out 

tossing it in garbage

giving it away to anyone someone anywhere

if he thinks somebody else might get it have it use it enjoy it

take it

MLS

Monday, June 20, 2022

Doesn't want to tip waitress

 Said why should I have to do that,  I don't have to do that (tip) at home

Does not plan social or fun activities at home or elsewhere

 MLS

GMA (except some holidays which she would make NOT fun)

Feels like they do it all and I do very little. Most people don't do much and are lazy or stupid.

 GMA MLS


Does things suddenly often without advance notice : Spur of the moment. Expects me to be compliant immediately.

 Does something when they are in the mood, when they see fit.

Sometimes tells me in advance what they are going to do but I don't know exactly when they are going to do it.

Gets upset and says I don't do anything if it involves work activity they did

when they felt like doing it.

GMA MLS


5 Steps ahead of me: So I need to be ahead of them

 GMA MLS

This is what they do. I just found out yesterday.

This is why they are so focused on what I am doing and what he/she thinks I am going to do.

They want to know and control my actions.

Because they think they know what I should be doing 

Sunday, June 19, 2022

Don't look too pretty when leaving the house

 takes advantage of

elderly mother, uncle, relatives

young

weak

innocent

female 

woman women

old boss


Dream I had in the beginning. my subconscious mind knew and revealed the angry wolf

 1991 or 1992..........

the anger and rage of the wild beast man wolf

flatbed trailer ... truck he is driving and stopped 

in a big yard somewhere

the beast came out red faced horrid terrifying 

i am calm

during his rage

my sub conscious is "protect the child/the children from this beast"



MLS


 

Everything a narcissist does is based on a pattern of some sort. They are highly predictable creatures and tend to do the same things over and over again. Reading their habits is just a matter of paying attention. It's like the mythical ouroboros snake that is eats it's own tail. They can't stop repeating the same patterns and cycles.

Whether it's the idealize, devalue, discard pattern or the gaslight and hoover pattern. It's always the same. Narcissists are very structured and inflexible. They are set in their ways. What they do they do repeatedly. That's why when they cheat, they cannot stop cheating. When they lie, they cannot stop lying. When they abuse, they cannot stop abusing.

How do you find their patterns? Just pay attention to the first time. It will happen again. Narcissists are very uninteresting in this way. They can be boring because they are so predictable. It's just not fun, but if you are trying to figure out their patterns you won't need to work very hard.

Identifying a snake

 


12 Signs You’ve Met a Sociopath But Just Don’t Know It

 https://howdofr.com/12-signs-youve-met-a-sociopath-but-just-dont-know-it/5/

12 Signs You’ve Met a Sociopath But Just Don’t Know It


12 they are extremely charming and magnetic

11 they don't have many, if any friends

10 they constantly crave or emit dominance

9 they're impulsive

8 they can work any occupatin but often have job instability

7 they play the victim

6 they lack empathy though they can fake it like a hollywood actor

5 they have a complete disregard for right and wrong

4 they are irresponsible and unreliabel

3 they are aggressive

2 you catch them lying all the time 1

1 they seek revenge



Friday, June 17, 2022

Maturity is the ability to express one's own feelings and convictions balanced with consideration for the thoughts and feelings of others. -- Hrand Saxenian

 this is a thing the narc cannot do 

A man defends his woman: a boy in a man's body does not.

 MLS

Normal males protect and fight for their female/woman: This one does not. I fend for myself fighting him and any other

 MLS

has never confronted any male in my defense

avoids it

instead yells at me, threatens me,

verbally, sometimes physically, assaults me

Will walk with me and if I am wearing shorts will walk behind me on the road or in front of me according to the traffic. This is the extent of his "protection" over me. 

Freaks out massively if I wear anything that shows any part of my ass/butt / rump cheeks



Criticizes each thing about me most of the time.

 goes out of his way to cut down 

minimize humiliate

coerce confuse


You had it all and didn't want it

Shits on almost everything about me

 MLS

jealousy


If it's on the tv he sucks it up: If it comes from me it is shut the fuck up

 MLS

Thursday, June 9, 2022

Expects me to be a marionette puppet mindless brainless

Hates to answer questions, can't answer yes or no straight up yet constantly questions me about everything

See, I told you so .. You should have listened to me ... frequent phrases used

 You should have listened to me


Wants godlike adoration; me at his feet yet will never treat me like a goddess

 in fact has said to me "what do you expect me to do, treat you like a goddess????"

Thinks everything is a fight. You must fight for everything. It's all hard work. Nothing's ever easy belief system

 agitates victims with provocation until they fight or give up

they like a fight

they pick nap poke provoke those close to them in household 

if you fight they keep it going telling me/you how wrong fucked up you are

if you give up quit want to commit suicide do self harm they faking fake fake o say 

that is unacceptable and i don't understand and i don't want to see you hurt yourself

GMA

MLS



Monitors all of my facial expressions: Make judgements trying to determine what I'm doing or going to do

 then tells me what to do


gma

mls

Attacks ME or others in household viciously NOT the neighbors : Will physically attack me, haven't seen him punch anyone else

Anger instead of tears or crying when afraid

 Violent outbursts or rage occur often easily frequently 

yelling raising voice threats condemnation


stemming from plain and simple FEAR

they think this makes them look STRONG instead of WEAK

Sits silently in awe while viewing in person show / performer, musician or broadcast on a screen MLS

 MLS
 Starstruck FACE 

totally silent, trying to appear "perfect", I suppose when eating dinner at 
steakhouse in raytown missouri off 350 hwy. musician woman female singer in band
was performing. he will awe struck 

Wants to be respected publicly : Status is top priority to outsiders: What OTHER people think, NOT what I think

Restricts me and others yet will not be restricted> Demands absolute freedom for self and not anyone else

Obsessed with eyes eyeing eyeballs viewing seeing, VIdeos movies tv MLS

ECM  EX

MLS

son


can't keep his hands off what he sees MLS

 lacks self control : inability to NOT touch almost any and every thing he sees that looks good

if it looks edible he will put it in his mouth without really knowing what it is


Pushes pushy any item they like or don't like onto others: food, activities, preferences

Saturday, June 4, 2022

Wants to hear how smart great wise important they are : Won't tell me or any person the real life they are important

Entitled, self righteous,

Believes they should be paid more : other people don't deserve high pay in any field for any reason

Won't look at facts, dictionaries, books : Only looks one way at things they agree with

Rut/ruts, inflexible, rigid thinking. Stuck in ways.

What other people are doing is top priority and the gauge for what they think I or they should do

Appearances/status/image to outsiders is more important than being nice and looking good at home

Wants to MOLD me into what he/she wants. Believes a person can be molded , totally formed into what they want

Takes over any friends I make or have

 an exception is long distance friend/friends like a longtime friend i have in vancouver washington 

because will not communicate with her or her husband YET

each time I am on the phone with her (maybe once or twice or year or less often)

he monitors in background conversation by hanging around and periodically saying questions "who are you talking to?" "what are you talking about?" 

THIS is an effort to attempt control of me via
assumed knowledge of who I am talking to and what I might do 


CRITICAL constantly chronically

Hateful mean and nasty and says I AM being that way (Projection)

Spoils dinner/ meal time and holidays then ACCUSES me or another of doing it

Gives self credit for any good or beneficial things: Won't acknowledge others

 "IF it weren't for ME"....

If I hadn't done this or that

then we you wouldn't have this or anything 

AFTER ALL I've done for you and YOU don't appreciate .....

(In reality they don't appreciate others)

Thinks he/she knows what is best regarding everything and everyone one

Closely monitors my face mood : Attempts to determine my feelings then change control me towards his/hers thoughts feelings

Causes misery and denies doing it

Holds onto to old useless items and junk

 hard to throw away trash

Thursday, June 2, 2022

Can't admit own fear: Becomes angry instead

 wants to fight

picks them with me most of the time


Does not like horror movies; seeing the face of a suffering person YET inflicts pain in person in real life to me POSSIBLE to others I dont know about

 and talks about tying one/ a person/ up to a tree to disable them keep them still keep them from moving


sitting on a bridge and shooting random people strangers if he doens't like the way they look especially if they are a different color race ethnic background



says I want you to be happy and restricts all of my activities at home ; threatens to disable vehicle and has removed battery from it

 https://psycho-tests.com/test/vast


WHAT IS "SADISM"?

Unfortunately, some people take pleasure in inflicting pain, abuse, and humiliation on others. This personality trait is called "sadism"; it derives from the name of the French philosopher and writer who first described it, Marquis de Sade.


Usually, the tendency to sadism increases in late adolescence and is more characteristic for boys than girls. High rates of sadism in adults significantly increase the risk of committing a crime and can also lead to issues in the relationship with a sexual partner and job challenges.


SADISTIC TENDENCIES TEST

The Varieties of Sadistic Tendencies (VAST) test was developed by Professor Paulhus, D. L. and allows you to quickly determine the level of your sadistic tendencies on two scales:


Direct sadism - cruel treatment, the tendency to aggression in order to humiliate another individual, restrict their freedom, and dominate them.


Vicarious sadism - the desire to watch how a person is being humiliated, is experiencing physical pain or moral torment. In this case, the observer is not the initiator of such actions.


Find out how strong your sadistic tendencies are with this free online test.