Best things I've ever done

Eyes, vision, seeing seems to be the dominant sense used

 will not close eyes

wont walk blind even alongside me doesnt trust anyone to guide if needed

Not impressed unless it is overwhelming

Constant stimulation, over stimulation of senses so NOT impressed with any plain, simple pleasures in life

 SIGHTS, too big, too much, big screens

SOUNDS, too loud, stereo systems, speakers

SMELLS, very sensitive as we all are

TASTES, uses too much msg, salt, hot peppers, cant appreciate enjoy anything bland or plain

TOUCH

Needs lack, deprivation, emptiness in order to appreciate anything

Can't keep his hands off stuff he sees

Self control needs to be learned. Says I can't resist often

 food laying around anywhere, eats it 

grabs any item 

Overwhelmed with too much stuff

 overstimulation causes lack of appreciation/awareness of small simple things that are miracles

Would be fooled easily if i put on a wig, wore a hat, outfit different

Territiorial as hell demands full control of entire property and restricts mine. Demands total freedom, confines others

Irrational thinking

 concludes comes to conclusions based upon assumptions

after the fact will almost always say i knew that was coming.. i thought i suspicioned that would happen or i had a dream about such and such.. the supposed psychic ability awareness is after it happens rarely before 

errononeously comes up with ideas about any and everything and everyone around trying to figure out motives reasons methods about things and is frequently wrong

jumps to conclusions about most things

worries frets endlessly about the most trivial things  except for the microcosm of bacteria viruses organisms that rule the universe . not always attentive to hands and cleanlieness and frequent washing. will do things like stick his fingers into any and almost every thing and not think it is going to affect him or anyone else much at all. sticks fingers into the cats eye to clean it instead of using a clean cotton or napkin 

MOTHER MLS

 Religious zealot. 

Slow, mean, hateful, two faced; nice in public, vicious at home.

Hypercritical

Judgmental

Hypocrite

Paranoid schizo

Accusatory lying thief. stole jewelry from those she cleaned houses for

Hated all of her 5 daughters. Had no close relationship with any female she gave birth to.

Favored her sons. Ran off her husband so tried to use son as surrogate husband

No one could ever meet her expectations of perfection as she devoted self to jehovahs witness bible and meetings and the people involved with it. PUSHED the religion upon anyone especially family and her children. NO one adhered to the religious beliefs or religion however each child reacted accordingly with resistance, as humans do when pushed forced preached to without the ability to understand what they are being "taught"

Prideful, mean, envious, jealous, angry, 

Destroyed items that made son or daughter happy. 

Humilated others

Presented bible stories at the breakfast lunch dinner table reading such things to them and me while eating a meal

Thought religion was going to save the world

Doomsday believer

Threatening

Made life miserable for anyone living in the home house duplex apartment including family sons daughters 

Gardening was one of her hobbies

Pitted people against one another accusing them of things, theft being one her primary accusations

Ate lots of sweets candy cakes pies used to make homemade apple pie

Got fat round dumpy looking out of shape

Wore clothes covering herself completely 

Could not discuss a wide variety of subjects

Very limited in discusssions, talked about one thing primarily; religion

Frustrated, fallacies, fake, faked out fast, fantastic delusions

 Falls for phony fabricated fabrications

Fooled by makeup, costumes, hair colors styles, hats, outfits

Full of fallacious beliefs

Reactive not responsive

Unaware at times. Does not know he doesnt know.

Likes james bond movies and stepford wives /wife would be great

Opens mouth. Inserts foot.

Sees happiness in me or others immediately shoots it down..just like his mother

Invalidates most things I say

 says its not that bad 

its not cold

you dont need that

Master of sarcasm

Ridicules criticizes condemns

Jokes about others 

Cant take a joke 

I better not retaliate by being sarcastic and cruel

Can dish it out cant take it

Learned from mother and family to tear others down

 to try to build up ego

completely ineffectual

and bad for him and anyone and everyone else

Things said mls

You think all you gotta do is make cookies ...said when I was receiving unemployment benefits way back in 1997 or 98 99 ish

You have NO business. You think have a business, you don't, you sell things on the internet, you sold things at the flea market, that is not a business. You don't know what you're doing.

USE YOUR BRAIN !!!

Makes me want to touch it grab it , when seeing females nude scantily clad dancing moving exercising

Now you know all you gotta do is put on maid outfits

The Way she looks matters...oh yes she can get anything she wants when she looks real good

She should understand him screwing another when a woman throws herself at me you 

Any red blooded male would have sex with....

Legs lead up to crotch is why they are sexy

You're wearing eye shadow makeup mascara..notices it immediately

You're not wearing that out of the house, short shorts, anything showing butt cheeks cleavage , camisole fitted , clothes showing shapely curves, high heels sexy shoes, hose netted stockings , any fishnet see through lacy items, 

You were flirting with him.. because you talked to him, 

You are not to do yoga in front of anyone even fully clothed

You are not allowed to let anyone in the house when I am not here

You are not allowed to let anyone in a bedroom. Makes people think things

You will not mock me or I will hit you shove push knock you down onto the floor but I can mock you anytime I want

I don't want to listen to what you have to say

I don't care what you want

I pay bills around here I bought you several vehicles I can say and do whatever I want and you will respect me

Saw a pretty black girl and thought if I were black I would go for that

Watching porn is not cheating it's no different than you using a dildo

You haven't been doing your duty

You don't work, you do anything and make excuses to get out of work

You don't do anything around here except maybe the dishes and laundry

Accused me of using sex as leverage

Sure he she liked you because you have a vehicle. They can use you.

At age 31 you are too old to go to school. You owe a student loan, you drink beer and smoke cigarettes. I'm not supporting you if you go you need to work a job and pay bills around here

That's not going to last. Referring to any job or activities I have or had

I don't want you hanging around them, anyone, your going to end up like them. I don't want them coming around here. No visitors.

You're not babysitting in this house

You're not selling Mary Kay amway or anything where people come over here.

I don't want people in here. They use up utilities and snoop around here and will steal things

You dont know what angry is. You havent seen me angry.

How much do you think that costs? Everytime he buys something.

I thought you liked to be raped.

Believes a gay man would get turned on looking at nude female or any part of her body.

Word associations

 If I say EGGS he says bacon

potatoes/mashed, says gravy

Zero love for me, ever

Would screw any female that gave him the eye

 Or one passed out

Or any available 

Type a personality

 https://www.verywellmind.com/type-a-personality-traits-3145240#:~:text=Time%20urgency%20and%20impatience%2C%20as,little%20they%20have%20to%20spare.

People like me are the biggest threat

Wont stay signed in to email or anything on computer

Instant, fast, immediate everything. No patience.

 Cars, driving, phone calls expects immediate answers when calling, fast food, 

porn gives fast results,  sex, 

work requires immediate results controlled using hands tools,

Radio on constantly, appears busy constantly, headphones

Afraid of own thoughts, no introspection deep thinking

No relaxing, no journal,

Hates to keep records,accounting,

 hates mirror in face esp when angry

Angry most of the time, says im pissed off, says you piss me off, im fine by myself youre the one who causes problens the trouble maker

Easy way out angry fits temper tantrums

Name calling of everyone, stupid is favorite adjective

Massive amount of sweets sugar cookies candy sugary drinks tea

Processed food , instant anything

Anything that looks good deemed good

Anything that tastes good

No self control says i cant resist

Rarely plans this keeps him in control and pulls last minute ventures often

Cant stand waiting in line anywhere, ever for any reason

Accuses me and others of wasting his time

Will not allow me to watch anything i want on his tv in living room, says what i like is a waste of electricity

https://www.verywellmind.com/type-a-personality-traits-3145240#:~:text=Time%20urgency%20and%20impatience%2C%20as,little%20they%20have%20to%20spare.

Drugs won't fix character flaws. Introspection might help fix them

Your Habit of Pointing Out Other People's Fault Is Ruining Your Life

 https://medium.com/@DrGregKushnick/your-habit-of-pointing-out-other-people-s-faults-is-ruining-your-life-9f4483b67190

Your Habit of Pointing Out Other People's Fault Is Ruining Your Life

Erroneous conclusions are frequent

He hates frilly things

Doesn't know word definitions. One in particular the word stupid

He calls anything anyone does or says he does not agree with, like or understand "stupid"
Frequently uses the word stupid to describe other people and once in awhile himself

Says its not that bad...minimizes every thing, situation, work, job, duties, chores, efforts of me and others

 You dont know what pain is

Youve never had kidney stones

Other women have periods. Its no big deal

Youre 40 years old i dont know what to tell you about men hitting on you. You figure it out. I cant and wont do anything about it.  

Other women work, other women (do all the things you dont do)

Youre lazy! Thats what it amounts to. You dont want to do anything. You figure out ways to get out of any work. You never help me or offer to help. 

What am I supposed to do, worship you and the ground you walk on?

What am I supposed to do, treat you like a queen? Youre not special.

Im not supporting you if you go to school. Youre going to have to work and pay the bills.

Doing the dishes or anything you do is no big deal.

I do everything around here.

Your breath stinks (said beginning at least 30 years ago when i used to smoke or drink, quit drinking 2003 twenty years ago then when my digestive system was a wreck due to ulcers gastritis and duodenitis I was doing all I could to heal myself and all he did was scream your breath stinks use toothpaste and moutwash and brush your tongue. It was ulcers in my stomach and intestines undigested food causing halitosis. He didnt care couldnt understand or believe it. He also blamed my bad breath on coffee , i quit coffee from 2016 to 2020 or 21. Today october 10 2023 he claims we havent been having sex very much for the last 5 years due to me using a vapor cigarette claiming it makes my breath stink. He blames the vapor cig and thinks i began using it 5 years ago when it was actually in 2011 more than 10 years ago.

Constantly has to come up with something bad i supposedly do to blame me for his bad behavior. He has been drinking tequila rum wine beer all kinds of different sodas fruit drinks gatorade store bought premade sweetened tea and other beverages including mixers like mrs ts bloody mary mix he uses with vodka..you name it he drinks it.  He eats a huge amount of junk chips candy cookies donuts cakes muffins honey roasted peanuts snack bars swiss rolls buddy bars candy assortments God only knows what all he eats that i dont know about.  

Accuses me of flirting when i talk to anyone

Looks, the way the female or male body appears are primary focal point

Females: Focuses on hair skin eyes shape ass tits clothes expression

Best if she doesnt talk. He cant listen while looking at the face or body

Porn is viewed in silence in the morning, curtains, blinds closed

Always worried someone is watching him anywhere and everywhere even behind closed doors he always glances around at windows to be sure no one can see in

Conversations in person are impossible because he is always watching 

Worse im treated worse i look

Family runs each other. His mother and siblings one unit

Expects me to always be nice when treated like shit

Asks stupid questions that don't need to be asked simply to try to control everything

Vile mean wicked nasty hateful

15 Epic Things to Say to a Narcissist That Will Irritate Them Beyond Measure

15 Epic Things to Say to a Narcissist That Will Irritate Them Beyond Measure

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/15-epic-things-to-say-to-a-narcissist-that-will-irritate-them-beyond-measure/ss-AA1hH3L0?ocid=bingrewardsflybn&cvid=ab5e2e29485b4295f53693dbcbfb09ae&ei=10#image=2

1. NO

2. IM NOT INTERESTED IN PLAYING YOUR GAMES

3. I HAVE NO DESIRE TO ENGAGE IN YOUR DRAMA

4. I DONT NEED OR WANT YOUR APPROVAL

5. YOURE NOT AS IMPORTANT AS YOU THINK YOU ARE

6. IM NOT GOING TO TOLERATE YOUR DISRESPECT

7. YOUR BEHAVIOR IS UNACCEPTABLE

8. I DONT OWE YOU ANYTHING

9. YOU DONT INTIMIDATE ME

10. IM NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR PITY PARTY

11. YOUR OPNINION OF ME DOESNT MATTER

12. YOUR NEED FOR ATTENTION IS EXHAUSTING

13. I CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOUR FACADE

14. YOU DONT HAVE THE POWER TO TAKE AWAY MY JOY

15. IM DONE WITH THIS CONVERSATION

Why do autistic people wear headphones

 Why do autistic people wear headphones

https://www.cogentica.com/why-do-autistic-people-wear-headphones/?amp=1

Why do mentally ill people wear headphones all the time?

 https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&f=211&t=914577

He wears headphones earphones all the time

Weak minded. Wont fight a man especially over a woman

Hindsight is 20 20 history memories

 ECM Ed eddie eddy mother uses eddy

january 1981 met him at my work. he was playing pinball machines in the back 

of the convenience store where i worked off 350 hwy

it was town & country markets which he named, a sexual reference of course

"tight & creamy"

october 9, 1981 date of marriage

feb 4 1992 divorce final

woke me in middle of night before i had to go to work drove to miami oklahoma to get married.

i was asleep so couldn't think straight.

 i went straight to work when we got back

only money spent was to the clerk in oklahoma 

which was probably about 20 dollars

got married secretly 

lied to mother about being married

she was going to get me wedding dress at sheris bridals 

he demanded seeing me in it threw a temper tantrum in the store so ruined it all

i got no dress no party no celebration 

no meet the bride party

sneaky criminal

"dont tell anybody"

all about money material things looking good on the outside

sex obsession. porn addiction. one particular preference is watching 

videos of rape victims being raped in their sleep which i found by

accident on the laptop computer left at sons house a couple of years ago

interesting because he raped me in my sleep for years then told me a woman 

wife cant file charges against her husband for rape

doesn't dance told me my dancing was disgusting yet went to

night clubs adult entertainment places where women walk around basically nude

doing dirty lap dances on men

inflexible

rude mean humiliating loud obnoxious unkempt

lies constantly

hides money

buys expensive items for himself cars tools household electronics furniture

anything he wants scrimped on me about anything i needed or wanted

Took me a year after being with him before I cried while telling his mom the truth and things he said and did

3 years together I left him filed divorce thanks to my grandparents paid for divorce. lived with them grandma watched my 2 sons while I went to school . 5 months later I went back to him because he came around and then one night picked fight and Grandpa hit him in front yard police called. Ecm climbing the bars on my bedroom window at grandmas house I decided to go back to ecm felt my responsibility to figure out how to get away from him with out hurting my grandparents

MLS mike. mikey nickname from family

july 1991

secret. hiding. sneaky sneaks around. covers up

sneaky criminal. "don't tell anybody." never tell anyone about our sex life. 

hides money. Controlling 

he told me to do these things, hiding my presence so his mother and sister or the 

neighbors wouldnt know i was here......

i parked on the street so no one would know i was here

i came in the north side of the house to the backyard instead of  in the front door like normal people would do

feb 21 1998 married. he picked the date not me. why, i dont know later on said "i thought it was

the right thing to do" No reference to LOVE period

told me not to tell anyone except my dad who was the man to give me away at home wedding

then all the sudden his whole family shows up

he told his sisters and all never told me they were coming over

no honeymoon, no celebration or party after home wedding which costs a 

whopping 50 dollars

buys expensive items for himself cars tools household electronics furniture

anything he wants scrimped on me about anything i needed or wanted

same as above; sex obsession pornography in private tries to cover it up keep it

a secret from anyone anywhere

neighbor told me he grabbed a bunch of xxx magazines videos paraphenalia out of

the neighbors shed /house which he trespassed over 20 years ago

then her hub stephen told her that he acted like he didnt like the porn 

because he didnt want anyone to think he liked such stuff

BOTH addicted to sugar, sweets, lots of snacks, meat, fast food,
ice cream, video tv movie shows 

Dictate what I wear clothes out of the house must be very modest

Secretly desires many females in bed, oral sex, me on top, 

Appendage the penis has a name and "its own agenda, a mind of it's own"

My food must be just like mothers cooking and fast food he likes

Intro to porn by family members when a teenager. Stuck with them for the rest of their life. Unable to have a friend ship relation normal conversation with any attractive female because it's sexual related

Backwards socially inept fake shyness

Little boy name called by mother and family members

Mentality emotional state of a child or teenagers

Crosses arms across the chest

Defiant

Don't want to hear me or anyone expressing different opinions of anything, music, hobbies, interests

Games favorite, chess, must win or throw a temper tantrum

Fits thrown over house cleaning furniture being moved food they don't like

Says I can't understand often

Ruins any get together with anyone

Ruins my joy when knowing I am going to do anything like modeling work visit anyone or place destroying happiness at any event party celebration

Makes up stuff to answer questions not always researching for knowledge. It's a way of not admitting he doesn't know. Rarely says I don't know and often gets upset and refuses to listen when I say I don't know.

Says it's not that hard to figure out, it's simple to me, frequently

 No personality, individuality

drawn to politics groups that

single out and divide other groups feigning superiority

when in fact they are INFERIOR

creatures with LOW Self esteem

 arrogant. accusatory. authoritarian.

bad, brass

charisma=none. critical. condemning. crass. controlling. control freak. 
condescending. 

dumb. dense. destroyer.

easily influenced. entitled.

freaks out fast. fool. foolish.

haughtyk. hypocritical.

indignant

judgmental

knowledge=doesnt know does not know

lacking originality, ethics, intelligence, self control, self esteem, patience

mean. mouthy. mealy. 

n

obnoxious

prideful. passionate. puts others down to bring self up.

q

r

sneaky. self righteous. status seeking via outside things. stupid.

threatening. tempted easily. 

underdeveloped

vain, vicious, vindictive

wrathful. wretched.

x

y

z

Authoritarians left wing or right. Great article explains political obsession

 https://news.emory.edu/stories/2021/09/esc_left_wing_authoritarians_psychology/campus.html

Nut case cakes over the edge

Physical appearance is top priority #1

 Face blemish red spot scar pimple slight acne covered with makeup

Clothes carefully chosen

Teeth brushing paramount

Body workout

Looks supercede what is on the inside, always

Worried concerned about what other people think , strangers, neighbors but not me